Blonde

I still have a gazillion outfits with dark hair but I just NEED to share this with you lovely creatures. Because I'm so happy! I've always had dark hair, even with my bright colors. Now, I'm full on blonde.




PREPARE YOURSELVES!!!

Oooh SNAP I feel so awesome right now. I feel so fresh and so clean-clean, like the outcast song! I might lighten it even more, I'll try to tone it somewhere this week. I'm so glad anyways, IMMA BE BLONDE FO EVAH! It's a huge succes, everyone thinks I look like a total babe. Most awesomely, someone told me I look like a fairytale creature. Best compliment ever. :-D

OH, the dye I used is Schwarzkopf Blonde super plus intensive blond. That shit is hardcore. It specifically promises to lighten dark brown hair to a golden blonde. Which it did, to perfection! It's a little blotchy here and there but I don't mind, that's probably just because it was the first time we did something this hardcore. Thanks to the momster for dying my hair!!! YAY!


P.S. A little shout out to my blogger bestie Giulia from Life is a romantic poem for doing a super sweet blogpost on our friendship! She's the bees knees!

Purples, florals and a tiny bit of jibber-jabber

Thank you lovelies so much for your wonderful comments and good wishes on my last post. People might think I must be hella crazy to put my "deepest, darkest secrets" on the interwebz but if you ask me, there's nothing more interesting and empowering than reading/writing about an actual person. Someone with highs and lows, who goes through things you might have gone through or are going through. I can't even tell you how much reading other peoples' stories have helped me through some of my darkest moments and while I do write my blog for myself, like a diary, I do hope that, if anyone who comes across this blog is going through something bad in their life, it might give them a little solid ground. I have posts where I write about my feelings, about death and abandonement, heartbreak and mental problems, but I also write about things and people that I love. Whether it's the untimely death of a friend, a cheating significant other, a new crush on a cutie who sits next to you in English, having crazy, cosy afternoons with your sister and mother or just buying some new sunglasses, it's all part of life. As I make a bit of a point of being a "realistic" blogger, it only seems logical that I don't just share cute outfits and giggles about my cats with you. But I should totally put some pictures of my cats up on my blog because cats are always awesome.

This outfit is very matchy-matchy for my taste but I loved it and it turned quite a couple of heads. While wearing this outfit someone told me that I just RADIATE creativity, which is pretty cool, if you ask me. The days have become much colder now but looking at outfits of warmer days make me feel a bit warmer. For a second. After that second I feel my feet slightly freezing and an annoying tickle in my throat, reminding me of the fact that it's the time of the year that everybody gets sick. School is full of germs, y'all.

Oh and FYI: I did get my password back from my ex, he gave it to me after I went batshit over the phone. And I don't actually have a crush on someone in my English class. I WISH. Au contraire, there's a guy in some of my classes that reminds me of my ex. I'm not getting along with him very well. :-D

OUTFIT TIMEZ

and YAY for awesome new sunglasses!

dress, sunglasses, earrings: C&A
shirt: 3 suisses, cut off the sleeves
sandals: H&M
necklace: veritas
belt: thrifted
ring: sister's

Imma go crawl into bed with a cuppa tea and Stephen King's "Different Seasons"! I was too impatient to read the first two stories and skipped right through to "The Body", the story that got made into a little movie we call "Stand by me". Hands down one of my favorite movies ever. Chris Chambers, ah man, I love you. I feel an overwhelming urge to cry when he tells Gordie about the time he stole the milk money and breaks down. And it was gorgeous in the book, too. Now I need to watch the movie again.

"I'll see you."
"Not if I see you first!"

*sniffles*

EMO post: I loved you. Yesterday.

When you go would you have the guts to say

"I don't love you like I loved you yesterday"?

I've been feeling very good actually, the last weeks. Starting school, looking to the future, getting to know new people  (however superficial), it's all been good. I haven't even been thinking about my summer of break up drama all that much. But, as I've come to notice, not thinking about things won't make them any less of a big deal. It won't make them a smaller part of your life. When stuff happens, it happens. While you can try to deal with it the best possible way you can, there's no guarantee that the other people/person involved will be co-operative. While it's been a few weeks now, I still wanted to tell you about the last serious encounter I had with my ex. Because after it happened, I think I was so shocked and angry about everything I just kind of shut it out and stopped thinking about it altogether. It came charging at me yesterday and slapped me in the face. Hard.

I think it's been three weeks or something, since this happened. I got a call in the middle of the night from my ex, asking me to take down my blogposts where I talk about him. Because the girl he's been seeing (the girl he cheated on me with) might find out about me that way. Needless to say that this question is all sorts of crazy, right? Even more needless to say that I said "Well, boy, I think not." and hung up. I gave myself a pat on the back for not letting myself be manipulated by the motherfucker and went to sleep. After punching my bed and running around the house because of the sheer anger going through my veins. Obviously. 

The next day I wake up and go check out my blogspot, only to find out that he changed my password, deleted a blogpost and put my blog on private. The blogpost he deleted was "EMO post: F.E.E.L.I.N.G.C.A.L.L.E.D.L.O.V.E", the post where I tell you exactly what he did. And because he deleted it, I will remind you again of what it is he did, exactly: He cheated on me, while my dad was dying, flew to Israel to meet his internetlover and failed to mention even one of these things to me. In fact, I found out because I found a loveletter to her in my own fucking house. He didn't even plan on breaking up with me, he just thought that he would kind of have this half and half thing going on. Because I'm the nice, dependable girl who supported him through thick and thin. But not fun and new. He did all this while I was going through the most difficult time in my life and was seriously fucked up in my head. Again, needless to say I was going batshit crazy about the things he did and that he even had the guts to muck about with my personal things. I called him when I found out about the bloghacking thing and screamed at him. I don't think it was very articulate but more of a "GIVE ME MY PASSWORD MOTHERFUCKER" yellfest. He started crying about how he panicked, didn't have anywhere else to turn, just has the one person who loves him and that he didn't want to lose her. How he didn't want to make the same mistakes with her as he did with me. I'm sorry but he must have some serious braindamage going on. He cheats on me for months, never tells her about the fact that he still was in a "committed" (not so much from his side, obviously) relationship, that he had been for five years and then claims that he hasn't already made that mistake? Jebus. Jebus Rice. 

Right then and there, I lost it. I lost my sympathy for him. And I think the last active loving feelings I had for him, too. I laughed at him. And I said "I wish I was laughing because it's funny.". I told him that he needs to stop fucking over other people and that it's none of his business anymore what I do, think or write. That he has no right to demand things of me, not now, not ever. But most of all, that he should deal with the shit he did and take responsibility for it, like a grown fucking man.

Karma is real. Not in a supernatural kind of way, as far as I'm concerned, but in a simple, logical way. If you go around kicking people in the nuts, chances are there will be some nutkicking right back at you. If you treat me like shit, you will get kicked out of my life. You can cry about how tough it is and tell me how you love me and want me back (which he did too, by the way), you'll still be an asshole and I still won't like you any more. You can delete my blogposts, boy, but you can't delete what you did. 

All of this. It just makes me so sad. I'm pissed off, obviously, about everything he did. How he treated me, without any respect or love. Everytime something new pops up in my head, something he lied about, something that makes sense now, it hurts. Every fucking time. Yesterday, it suddenly hit me. While me and my family were dealing with the fact that my father would be dead within the hour, he was chatting with his girlfriend. While I was crying because I had no idea what to do with myself after my dads death, asking him to support me and maybe give me a hug, he would tell me to "suck it up" and go outside to call his girlfriend. When I told him I was so out of it I started thinking about cutting myself, he told me "Yeah, sorry, I'm busy right now, I can't not take this phonecall. Gimme 5-10 minutes.". I only just started realising all this shit. And it hurts. 

He had the guts to lie to me. To kick me when I was way, way down. And after that, he breaks into my fucking blogspot account to, somehow, erase what he did. Motherfucker, please. 

I haven't heard from him since, thank my lucky stars. He still hasn't changed his adress though. JEBUS what a douchebag. One of the things I learned this year: All the drama that happens in movies? Just drama that happens in real life. But with better lighting.