EMO: A Simple Kind of Life

Good girls are happy and satisfied

I won't stop asking until I die

- Robyn

Bloggers and friends, princes and thieves, sisters and brothers, I have not forsaken you. I've been kind of reorganizing my life. It's strange and different and good and wonderful. My school year ended on a positive note and I started my summerjob, working in a shoestore. Since the place I'm still officially living with the momster is in a little hole of a town where I couldn't find a summer job if I would turn over every rock, I'm temporarily living with the boyfriend. Which is all going really fucking amazing and I can't believe it. You see, this is one of the first times in my 19-year-old life that I'm in a completely normal, secure and happy situation without threat of it changing once I turn around. I'm not quite used to it yet.

You see, I'm the kind of person that seems quite figured out, calm and confident to the outside world while I'm actually questioning everything that happens, inside my own head and to the people closest to me. Sometimes, I feel like I'm waiting until the happy times are through and things go back to normal. Normal being "fucked up". These past few months have been the most amazing time in my life and while I fully realise that and am incredibly happy, I've come to the conclusion that I've never been more insecure either. Trying to maintain your own identity and figuring out what exactly is happening while you're living life is tough shit. When you're used to your life going a certain way, whether that's insecure and unhappy or otherwise, it's strange to suddenly come to the conclusion that life can be, in fact, pretty good. Relationships can be positive and easy. Friendships can be full of unconditional love and respect. Family can be supportive and fun. Obviously it's a positive conclusion, yet coming to the conclusion that life is not what you expected it to be is unsettling. I lived a big part of my life thinking that life will kick you in the cojones anyways so you might as well get used to it. There are so many things that can get you down and double that amount can kick you while you're already down. We keep getting up, because that's the only thing we can do, but everytime our heart gains another scratch and our ass gains another bruise. 

Now, in the last couple of months, my heart has been recovering and my ass has only been bruised because of my own clumsy shenanigans. I've gone to see The Who, my true love, with my other true love in Amsterdam. Thinking back to the last time I saw The Who, when I was a wee gal of only 13, I realised once again how much life changes. But this time, it changed for the better. Insecurities are part of growing up and part of life, I guess. To quote The Muppets, because they're my soulmates, You always believe in other people, but that's easy. Sooner or later, you gotta believe in yourself, too, because that's what growing up is. Right in the heart, Muppet, right in the bleeding heart.

Next time I leave 2 months in between blogposts, come and slap me, will you? I miss clearing my mind while you poor ol' souls have to read my ramblings. I want to share a picture with you of my dudebro love & yours truly, because you have been my loyal readers and I've shared bad times with you quite often. Now it's time for some positive shite, DARN IT!

And I want to share my last photography project with you too! For one of my photography classes I had to do a presentation about a photographer and take pictures inspired by his or her work. I chose Cindy Sherman (please check her out, she's amazing and feminist!) and took the following pictures for my class:

 

I'm defintely way more into the simple black and white pictures but they were loads of fun to do. My teacher told me I could've been Cindy Sherman's little sister with a talent for self portraits and a possible future in teaching. I'm a happy little photographer in the making! 

Peace out, lovers. STAY FRESH.

70's outfit + golden eyes

Yes, I did actually enjoy 007 golden eye (the videogame on the N64, not the movie. I can't seem to get myself to ever finish a 007 movie unless I actually go see them in the theatre) but these particular golden eyes are the eyes of yours truly! I love golden eyeshadows. They look amazing with my eyes and skintone (though I think that it looks great with basically every skintone and eyecolor, on darker skinned people with brown eyes <3 as well as blondes with baby blues), maybe change the kind of gold to your liking. I love all kinds of golds. I love the more bronze-brown gold, the vintage dark gold, the bright yellow-gold, I think it's the shimmer I like the most. I remember I got my first golden eyeshadow (baked) on my thirteenth birthday and I was too scared to wear it with it being such a strong color. Now, 5 years later, I do actually use it. And yes, I now confessed that I don't hold myself to the dates that come on the back of the make up boxes. I have make up that I stole from my sister when I was eleven or something that I still use (no worries sis, it's a black kohl pencil, nothing special :-D) and it's always been okay. I do try to apply my make up with clean brushes and sponges (I try to clean them once every 2-3 weeks). The only product I actually do throw away once the date on the back has passed is mascara. But my mascara usually doesn't last that long since the expiration date is around twelve months and I finish my mascara's in less than a year. Do you guys actually "listen" to the expiration dates on your make up? When I have a little more time on my hands I'm gonna do a make up post with all the eyeshadows and lipsticks I own, I always love to see pictures of other peoples make up so I'm guessing you do too! :-D

I kind of wish I had some awesome seventies clunky wedges to wear with this dress. Some heels I could still walk in that just give the illusion of being elegant. :-D

I really like my ass in that dress. Just sayin'. Now for the make up!

I have the perfect rusty-red lipstick to wear with golden eyeshadows! I love the golden shimmer it has.

My nails here were still a little blueish from washing out the dye in my hair.

A little announcement: I'm gonna be moving! Our house is falling apart and luckily we found a cute little place not too far from here. While the house we now live in has this gorgeous garden I will definitely miss, I will not miss the leaky roof, the cracks in the walls that let in all kinds of cold during the winter, the walls that seem to be coming down and the electricity that sometimes just likes to give up on us. Yes, this house is a freaking mess and I think I won't fully realise how strange it's gonna be to live in a normal house where you don't have to worry whether the livingroom will stay dry during the rain or not. I have set my heart on painting the walls of my bedroom along the lines of this (but more colors, just this pixel-y technique):

Which is gonna be awesome. Or I get a Zelda wall!

That'd be freaking awesome. :-D Have a lovely day!

Spice up your life!

I've just found this old ass necklace, it's probably fifteen or 14 years old or something. We had the Spice Girls back in the 90's but since I'm from '93 I was a little young to enjoy the culture that was and is the Spice Girls. But of course, having an older sister who's six years older than me, I grew up with the Spice Girls. Songs like Stop right now, spice up your life, who do you think you are, viva forever, say you'll be there, 2 become 1... lots of awesome songs that I probably still know by heart. Also, I can remember my sister having the most awesome lollipops in the world with Spice Girl wrappers and I think chewing gum inside or something? It's amazing how you can still remember these silly little things. My favorite Spice Girl was baby spice, Emma. She was and is such a cutie, maybe it was an early girl crush I had. :-D Now that I think about it, the nineties were full of awesome girl bands. Spice Girls, TLC, Destiny's child and I'm thinking that the Sugababes also came in the late 90's (I'll throw No Doubt in there too because of the strong female vocalist). Just from the top of my head, some of their songs were of course about being in love and digging on dudes but a lot of songs were also about female independence and growing up with that music was pretty cool. I kind of miss cool girl bands. :-(

Awesome necklace, right? As proof of it old assness... the string broke after one day of wearing it. I might go find a different band to tie the pendant on. What's your favorite Spice Girl song or even better, who's your favorite girl band?

'bout the outfit! I still had some aftercurls from my pincurling so I wanted to go seventies. I'm thinking this was a pretty cool outfit and I love this shirt :-D. Only 1 more outfit to go and after that Imma show you guys my new haircolors! OH and I got Zelda: Skyward Sword yesterday, from my boyfriend! I got a textmessage from the store where I pre-ordered Skyward Sword yesterday and I was freaking out inside knowing that I probably wouldn't have it before saturday so I mailed my boyfriend who was at college at the time. Between classes he mostly checks his facebook and hotmail and his cellphone is broken (as a final warning! I WILL give him a cellphone for his birthday if he doesn't buy one himself! I hate not being able to contact him at all times, what if his bus is delayed or he was in an accident or... well, you get the picture. :-D)  so I couldn't text him either. He said something random like 'I'm not sure whether I will be home in time to go get the game with you (he also had the car), we'll see.'

So I waited and waited and 15 minutes after the store closed... my boyfriend comes home. The first thing I think when I see him all happy and sneaky is "AHH HE GOT IT FOR ME!" but he kept telling me he didn't. So I went cranky pants on him, especially after he told me that he probably wouldn't be home soon enough today either. After fifteen minutes of crankypantsing around he probably thought he'd broken my heart into tiny pieces enough so he got his schoolbag out of the car and showed the Skyward Sword box to me. I went crazy happy and I showered him with kisses and for fifteen minutes. So now, my friends... IMMA PLAY SOME ZELDA! Love you!

Preppy hippy and honking rant

I was very happy with this outfit, I rarely wear the shirt and sweater I'm wearing in these pictures while they're perfectly good clothes. To wear bright red I really have to be in the mood. I also just found a couple of shirts that my boyfriend bought a year or so ago, which he bought when he first lost weight. Now he lost even more weight and has to buy everything extra small (he's a naturally skinny dude, he just ate incredibly unhealthy for a long time and probably lost some babyfat too) I can wear the tops that he bought when he was still a small. When it comes to men's fashion I am always a bit shocked to see what they consider a size 'small'. I can basically drown in the men's small in the C&A (H&M has better fitted stuff, who would've thought?) and I have a large in most women's clothes. I also just realised why it is that I very often see skinny dudes on the street wearing their pants halfway/below their ass. They just don't have the right sizes! My boy finally got some good fitting pants in vintage shops (of all places! Vintage is just made for me and my loved ones :-D) and is now the proud owner of many well fitting levi's jeans... which he bought for 2 euro each... I ain't kidding folks, that stuff costs a hundred euro a piece and we have 6-7 pairs of them jeans for not even twenty euro altogether. Seriously, it's amazing. My boy and me have a lot of difficulty finding stuff that fits us nicely, for a normal/cheap budget especially, and we find it all in vintage shops. Clothing wise I'm totally set for colder days. When there are sales again, in my lovely T2, I might buy a nice jumper/sweater/cardigan but other than that I'm totally okay!

I also want to express my frustration with dickheads (excuse my language) who find it HIlARIOUS to honk at me while I'm taking pictures. I'm not sure WHY they honk, maybe because I'm a woman, maybe because they want to startle me and see if I drop my equipment worth something between one and two thousand euro and I had to save up all the money I ever had since I've been thirteen and a half to even make those things happen, maybe because they accidentally pushed the horn when they drove by me while driving 600 miles per hour (okay not that fast but you know what I mean, fucking cowards.). Seriously, if one of those douchebags will ever make me drop my camera (which is pretty impossible since I make a very very big deal of it to wear it around my neck at all times) I will find them and honk at them until they become deaf and than steal their money to buy my equipment back. WHY DO YOU HONK AT ME, ASSHOLE?! I'm trying to make my own fucking art, minding my own fucking business, you don't need to go MEEP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP everytime you drive by. PISS OFF. It's NOT fucking funny. Do you have any idea how irritating and startling it is to be completely 'in the zone', thinking of how you can make the lighting hit the leaf you're about to take a picture of more perfectly, slightly tilting the leaf a bit so it looks better with the other leaf that's gently swinging to the soft wind, thinking of how gorgeous the golden evening light is and how it reminds you of Zelda: Ocarina of time and how you'd like a gorgeous red horse with white manes like Epona to ride into the sunset and go find Kokiri forest to go live there forever when suddenly MEEP MEEP and your whole mindset and composition is completely fucked up! Okay. now my rant is done. I hope you can relate to my frustration. HAVE PEOPLE NO RESPECT FOR THE ARTS?! (I take most of my outfit pictures in my garden so I don't have to deal with those dickheads)

Now the outfit:

And thank you guys so much for the feedback on my last post, I think I'll be going for another earpiercing and after that I'll decide to go for another nosepiercing. I'm still liking the idea of one little stud in both of my nostrils but I'm not sure yet. Anyways, thank you!! Have a lovely day and may no one honk at you!