Get your perfect bikini body in just 5 easy steps!

STEP ONE


Get a bikini/onepiece that fits nicely.

STEP TWO


Put it on.

STEP THREE


Forget all that shit that "magazines for women" have ever told you about having a so-called perfect body. It's bullshit. You are not less worthy of being scantily clad just because you have some more cellulite on your thighs or because you have tiny, saggy boobs. Honestly, once I started questioning the things that "Cosmopolitan" has been telling me since I turned twelve and decided to call shenanigans on their philosophy of "promoting" and "empowering" women while just as well telling them that, once they lose these extra ten pounds by standing on their head while flexing their butt muscles, they'll be a whole better person. Because, as they told me, let's be honest! Do you really want to go out looking like a whale in a tiny bikini? Are you sure you don't want to try this diet of eating nothing but crackers for 3 months together with these anti-cellulite creams that do absolutely nothing? OF COURSE YOU DO! Because the most important thing in life is to have the same body as Jessica Alba and you know it! You know it because we take celebs like Jessica Simpson and look upon her body as the most terrible fate you can suffer. SHIELD YOUR EYES FROM THIS COMLETELY NORMAL (and may I add attractive?) WOMAN!

Let's get our priorities straight here. You have a body so that you can survive comfortably and live your life. NOT because some species somewhere along the line of our ancestors decided that we needed this body so we could aspire to have a skinny body with one solicone boob and a triangular ass in this fab bikini Dolce & Gabbana designed. Also, that's not how evolution works, never you mind! We need to be strong and healthy enough so we can live our lives. That's what our body needs to be. Not something we punish or destroy because of some bizarre, delusional standard our society keeps setting. We need to wrap our heads around this because I can't tell you how much my confidence in my appearance has grown since I stopped caring about the "beauty" standards. Or anybody's standards but my own, for that matter. I'm healthy, I like the way I look and that's that. Now go paint, read a book, listen to your favorite music, watch a beautiful movie or have a meaningful discussion with your partner. There is so much more to life than worrying about the size of your butt.

STEP FOUR


Check yourself out in the mirror.

STEP FIVE


Admit it. You're a sexy mofo and your bikini is awesome. Now strut your ass out that door and share your awesomeness with the world.


CONCLUSION

If you have a body and a bikini/swimsuit: you have your perfect bikini body. Probably not according to John from around the corner who might like his girls thin and probably not according to Betty from upstairs who likes her girls meaty. There will always be people who might think you're unattractive and certainly imperfect. Newsflash: Perfection doesn't even exist. Maybe in physics or math but not when it comes to the human appearance. I'm sure everyone knows that, what society perceives as beauty, changes every two decades or so. In the 90's, a muscular, slender body with big boobs was prefered. For most of the 00's a skinny, almost childish body has been seen as the most attractive body to have. We all know that back in the 50's and 60's, an hourglass figure with pointy boobs was the way we needed to look. Which, by the way, wasn't a better thing than it is now. We might think that it's terrible that most of us have to starve ourselves to come close to the contemporary ideal body and it must've been much better back in the good ol' 50's. Than think about all the naturally skinny girls and the bigger girls. The skinny girls needed to wear all kinds of padding because they felt inadequate. Corsets had to be worn by everyone to create that "perfect" hourglass figure. I can tell you as a girl with a natural hourglassy shape: your hips aren't perfectly round and your waist isn't supposed to go in that much or even in that spot. An obsession with youth has been going on in the last years and it's just crazy. You do not need to shave your legs or get a bikiniwax or shake off cellulite because someone decided we all want to keep looking like we haven't hit puberty yet. In the 70's it was all the rage to be hairy! It's all so incredibly subjective.

Please don't let these crazy ideas of perfection stand in the way of yourself. Just love yourself for who you are and spread the body positive message! I challenge everyone of you to post a bikini/swimsuit picture of yourself on your blog and be positive about yourself. NOW, you can't talk the talk without walking the walk so I present you, my loves: little ol' me in one of my awesome swimsuits. I got it from my sister who bought it at Think Twice vintage last year but didn't feel like she filled up the suit the way it needed to be filled up. So here I am, filling it up! :-D

The colors flatter my ever-milkwhite skin to no end, I love it to pieces. BY THE WAY I totally have blue hair and blue eyebrows these days. I color my eyebrows in with some mix of navy, green, brown and black to make it look a little more natural and not superblue.

Hope I see you guys in a bikini soon and see you on the flip side!

Comfy grunge and death

Well, with the promise of more blogposts in spring break and with spring break now officially over I've been a terrible blogger. I do have a damn good excuse, though.

My dad passed away, barely a week ago. It's very strange to say (or type) those exact words because the concept of death is so incredibly abstract and strange. I'm not going to bore you with details because they are terrible and laughable, ridiculous and disgusting, all at the same time. I feel incredibly confused and my brain is pretty messed up, especially since my relationship with my dad has been complicated for a while now. I might do a bigger post one day about the strange relationship I had with my dad. Maybe I can work through some emotional crap that way and maybe I can help some other people who are in tough situations with their parents too. Lord knows that stuff happens A LOT. While this spring break is probably the worst spring break one can ever have I did enjoy all the time I got to spend with my family, including my fathers sisters. I always loved stories about my parents when they were young and hearing stories about who my dad used to be reminded me of the good memories I have of him and the good parts of his personality. Since my dad had his first stroke his personality changed quite a bit. I was a little afraid that the only thing I could remember my dad by would be the shitty couple of years we had more recently but thanks to my older siblings, mother and aunts I'm slowly starting to remember again who that father was and how much I'm going to miss him. In the end I got to spend some beautiful last moments with him. including a moment where he told me he wished he would've taken better care of me, how beautiful I am and how much he was going to miss me. If there's any moment to be honest it's the moment you know you're going to be gone soon, right?

I won't be going to school this week because my brain is fucked up with all the emotions and I'm terribly unstable. One moment I feel like everything's okay and I can just get up tomorrow at five thirty in the morning and go to school. Five minutes later, however, I'm crying like a baby and feeling like I could punch someone so hard their ancestors would feel it (mulan reference). And again five minutes later I fall asleep on the couch. Emotions are exhausting, yo. I haven't lost my appetite and I'm able to sleep just fine so I guess that's something.

Random topic switch: I just wanted a comfy outfit to pair with my appetite for slightly gothic make up so I put on this dress and a comfy, thick cardigan I wear all the time. Hope you like it. If you have some interesting stories about your parents or a difficult relationship with them, don't hesitate to share it with me if you want to. And while I still have a couple of outfits to post with my long hair I'll warn you now: I have a banging new, short 'do. But for now: colorful pincurls! I will miss pincurling.

70's outfit + golden eyes

Yes, I did actually enjoy 007 golden eye (the videogame on the N64, not the movie. I can't seem to get myself to ever finish a 007 movie unless I actually go see them in the theatre) but these particular golden eyes are the eyes of yours truly! I love golden eyeshadows. They look amazing with my eyes and skintone (though I think that it looks great with basically every skintone and eyecolor, on darker skinned people with brown eyes <3 as well as blondes with baby blues), maybe change the kind of gold to your liking. I love all kinds of golds. I love the more bronze-brown gold, the vintage dark gold, the bright yellow-gold, I think it's the shimmer I like the most. I remember I got my first golden eyeshadow (baked) on my thirteenth birthday and I was too scared to wear it with it being such a strong color. Now, 5 years later, I do actually use it. And yes, I now confessed that I don't hold myself to the dates that come on the back of the make up boxes. I have make up that I stole from my sister when I was eleven or something that I still use (no worries sis, it's a black kohl pencil, nothing special :-D) and it's always been okay. I do try to apply my make up with clean brushes and sponges (I try to clean them once every 2-3 weeks). The only product I actually do throw away once the date on the back has passed is mascara. But my mascara usually doesn't last that long since the expiration date is around twelve months and I finish my mascara's in less than a year. Do you guys actually "listen" to the expiration dates on your make up? When I have a little more time on my hands I'm gonna do a make up post with all the eyeshadows and lipsticks I own, I always love to see pictures of other peoples make up so I'm guessing you do too! :-D

I kind of wish I had some awesome seventies clunky wedges to wear with this dress. Some heels I could still walk in that just give the illusion of being elegant. :-D

I really like my ass in that dress. Just sayin'. Now for the make up!

I have the perfect rusty-red lipstick to wear with golden eyeshadows! I love the golden shimmer it has.

My nails here were still a little blueish from washing out the dye in my hair.

A little announcement: I'm gonna be moving! Our house is falling apart and luckily we found a cute little place not too far from here. While the house we now live in has this gorgeous garden I will definitely miss, I will not miss the leaky roof, the cracks in the walls that let in all kinds of cold during the winter, the walls that seem to be coming down and the electricity that sometimes just likes to give up on us. Yes, this house is a freaking mess and I think I won't fully realise how strange it's gonna be to live in a normal house where you don't have to worry whether the livingroom will stay dry during the rain or not. I have set my heart on painting the walls of my bedroom along the lines of this (but more colors, just this pixel-y technique):

Which is gonna be awesome. Or I get a Zelda wall!

That'd be freaking awesome. :-D Have a lovely day!

Tiny shopping spree and a checkered pencil skirt

I bought some new boots and a couple of little thingies at the last couple of days of wintersales! Thought I might share it with you lovelies.

1. The Denim Shirt

Because it can be worn with everything, the color is awesome and I was still looking for some stuff to wear under dresses/sweaters for wintertimes as well as a nice top. Multipurpose fashion = the best fashion.

2. The Cardigan

Because I have worn my other pink cardigan to death (almost) and I needed one to fill in the sad little void.

3. The Fancy Skirt

The colors are a little more pinkish IRL. It's high waisted, I love the colors, the length (just above the knees) and the material (satin-y!).

4. The Sweater Dress

Because the color is amazing, the fit is like a glove (or, more correctly, it fits me like a glove haha :-D) and again, very multipurpose. It's cosy, I can wear it as a top as well as a skirt, what's not to like?

5. The Kickass Boots

Because I only had one pair of winter boots. These are sturdy, hardcore, slightly goth and feminine at the same time. They are love!

and last but not least, 6. a sweater I have already worn so many times since I've bought it.

Just a simple black sweater with some gorgeous details along the shoulderline (? :-D). Simple and elegant!

Now the outfit:

Great skirt and earrings right? SO COLORFUL! Hope you like it and see you next time!