Get your perfect bikini body in just 5 easy steps!

STEP ONE


Get a bikini/onepiece that fits nicely.

STEP TWO


Put it on.

STEP THREE


Forget all that shit that "magazines for women" have ever told you about having a so-called perfect body. It's bullshit. You are not less worthy of being scantily clad just because you have some more cellulite on your thighs or because you have tiny, saggy boobs. Honestly, once I started questioning the things that "Cosmopolitan" has been telling me since I turned twelve and decided to call shenanigans on their philosophy of "promoting" and "empowering" women while just as well telling them that, once they lose these extra ten pounds by standing on their head while flexing their butt muscles, they'll be a whole better person. Because, as they told me, let's be honest! Do you really want to go out looking like a whale in a tiny bikini? Are you sure you don't want to try this diet of eating nothing but crackers for 3 months together with these anti-cellulite creams that do absolutely nothing? OF COURSE YOU DO! Because the most important thing in life is to have the same body as Jessica Alba and you know it! You know it because we take celebs like Jessica Simpson and look upon her body as the most terrible fate you can suffer. SHIELD YOUR EYES FROM THIS COMLETELY NORMAL (and may I add attractive?) WOMAN!

Let's get our priorities straight here. You have a body so that you can survive comfortably and live your life. NOT because some species somewhere along the line of our ancestors decided that we needed this body so we could aspire to have a skinny body with one solicone boob and a triangular ass in this fab bikini Dolce & Gabbana designed. Also, that's not how evolution works, never you mind! We need to be strong and healthy enough so we can live our lives. That's what our body needs to be. Not something we punish or destroy because of some bizarre, delusional standard our society keeps setting. We need to wrap our heads around this because I can't tell you how much my confidence in my appearance has grown since I stopped caring about the "beauty" standards. Or anybody's standards but my own, for that matter. I'm healthy, I like the way I look and that's that. Now go paint, read a book, listen to your favorite music, watch a beautiful movie or have a meaningful discussion with your partner. There is so much more to life than worrying about the size of your butt.

STEP FOUR


Check yourself out in the mirror.

STEP FIVE


Admit it. You're a sexy mofo and your bikini is awesome. Now strut your ass out that door and share your awesomeness with the world.


CONCLUSION

If you have a body and a bikini/swimsuit: you have your perfect bikini body. Probably not according to John from around the corner who might like his girls thin and probably not according to Betty from upstairs who likes her girls meaty. There will always be people who might think you're unattractive and certainly imperfect. Newsflash: Perfection doesn't even exist. Maybe in physics or math but not when it comes to the human appearance. I'm sure everyone knows that, what society perceives as beauty, changes every two decades or so. In the 90's, a muscular, slender body with big boobs was prefered. For most of the 00's a skinny, almost childish body has been seen as the most attractive body to have. We all know that back in the 50's and 60's, an hourglass figure with pointy boobs was the way we needed to look. Which, by the way, wasn't a better thing than it is now. We might think that it's terrible that most of us have to starve ourselves to come close to the contemporary ideal body and it must've been much better back in the good ol' 50's. Than think about all the naturally skinny girls and the bigger girls. The skinny girls needed to wear all kinds of padding because they felt inadequate. Corsets had to be worn by everyone to create that "perfect" hourglass figure. I can tell you as a girl with a natural hourglassy shape: your hips aren't perfectly round and your waist isn't supposed to go in that much or even in that spot. An obsession with youth has been going on in the last years and it's just crazy. You do not need to shave your legs or get a bikiniwax or shake off cellulite because someone decided we all want to keep looking like we haven't hit puberty yet. In the 70's it was all the rage to be hairy! It's all so incredibly subjective.

Please don't let these crazy ideas of perfection stand in the way of yourself. Just love yourself for who you are and spread the body positive message! I challenge everyone of you to post a bikini/swimsuit picture of yourself on your blog and be positive about yourself. NOW, you can't talk the talk without walking the walk so I present you, my loves: little ol' me in one of my awesome swimsuits. I got it from my sister who bought it at Think Twice vintage last year but didn't feel like she filled up the suit the way it needed to be filled up. So here I am, filling it up! :-D

The colors flatter my ever-milkwhite skin to no end, I love it to pieces. BY THE WAY I totally have blue hair and blue eyebrows these days. I color my eyebrows in with some mix of navy, green, brown and black to make it look a little more natural and not superblue.

Hope I see you guys in a bikini soon and see you on the flip side!

Comfy grunge and death

Well, with the promise of more blogposts in spring break and with spring break now officially over I've been a terrible blogger. I do have a damn good excuse, though.

My dad passed away, barely a week ago. It's very strange to say (or type) those exact words because the concept of death is so incredibly abstract and strange. I'm not going to bore you with details because they are terrible and laughable, ridiculous and disgusting, all at the same time. I feel incredibly confused and my brain is pretty messed up, especially since my relationship with my dad has been complicated for a while now. I might do a bigger post one day about the strange relationship I had with my dad. Maybe I can work through some emotional crap that way and maybe I can help some other people who are in tough situations with their parents too. Lord knows that stuff happens A LOT. While this spring break is probably the worst spring break one can ever have I did enjoy all the time I got to spend with my family, including my fathers sisters. I always loved stories about my parents when they were young and hearing stories about who my dad used to be reminded me of the good memories I have of him and the good parts of his personality. Since my dad had his first stroke his personality changed quite a bit. I was a little afraid that the only thing I could remember my dad by would be the shitty couple of years we had more recently but thanks to my older siblings, mother and aunts I'm slowly starting to remember again who that father was and how much I'm going to miss him. In the end I got to spend some beautiful last moments with him. including a moment where he told me he wished he would've taken better care of me, how beautiful I am and how much he was going to miss me. If there's any moment to be honest it's the moment you know you're going to be gone soon, right?

I won't be going to school this week because my brain is fucked up with all the emotions and I'm terribly unstable. One moment I feel like everything's okay and I can just get up tomorrow at five thirty in the morning and go to school. Five minutes later, however, I'm crying like a baby and feeling like I could punch someone so hard their ancestors would feel it (mulan reference). And again five minutes later I fall asleep on the couch. Emotions are exhausting, yo. I haven't lost my appetite and I'm able to sleep just fine so I guess that's something.

Random topic switch: I just wanted a comfy outfit to pair with my appetite for slightly gothic make up so I put on this dress and a comfy, thick cardigan I wear all the time. Hope you like it. If you have some interesting stories about your parents or a difficult relationship with them, don't hesitate to share it with me if you want to. And while I still have a couple of outfits to post with my long hair I'll warn you now: I have a banging new, short 'do. But for now: colorful pincurls! I will miss pincurling.

Print on print on Pink

I used to love Pink. Not the color but the singer. Well actually also the color. But I still love the color and not so much the singer. I haven't been loving the songs she brought out the last couple of years. But back when she was all the rage with 'Don't let me get me', 'Let's get this party started', 'Family portrait' and 'Just like a Pill' I loved her. Pink and No Doubt were of course total girl power. And I really liked her 'I'm not dead' album! I actually went to see her on that tour with my sister and some of her friends and that was my first concert. So she'll always have a special place in my heart! I still really like her voice, it has this raspy quality that can totally pull off softer acoustic stuff but also some fun poprock. Of course, as a multicolor/bright hair lover I always dug her bright pink hair at the beginning of her career.

My outfit is very bright and colorful and I felt so good wearing it. When I think back a year and a half/two years I remember being so inscure about wearing skirts above the knee because of course, apart from the fact that I was already a self conscious teenage girl, the fashion gurus wiggle their little fingers at wearing stuff above the knee unless you have a certain shape or skinny legs or whatever kind of weird ass rules they apply. They have this strange idea that it's empowering for women of all shapes and sizes to be told that they are NOT the same, CANNOT wear the same things because hey, nobody wants to see the cellulite on your thighs and nobody wants to see a short girl on flats. Only show people your best assets! Do not let people know that we're not perfect! To appear skinnier and taller at all times! Even if you're already tall and skinny you still need photoshop! The things that irritate me the most are probably that almost all well known stylists and fashion gurus look exactly the same. Most of the time, long straight hair, wear dark colors, fabrics that look very expensive and a pencilskirt and some stiletto's. When it's a guy, always a suit and short hair. And of course dressy shoes. Wouldn't it be nice to have someone do make-overs and actually have a style of their own? I've seen it so many times: in comes fashionista ready to make someone over, enter the 'victim': maybe a bikerchick, maybe a hippie. At the end of the make over, they all look like 'proper ladies' but not an inch of uniqueness is preserved in their styles. Maybe the hippie woman got some large earrings and the bikerchick got a smart leather jacket. I'm pretty sure that my style would not be tolerated by most of the fashiongurus. Too much color, might look childish! Too much floral, you look like an untrimmed flowergarden! Too many sneakers, oh honey you don't need to look like you can run off and shoot hoops! Midiskirts, SO unflattering for a girl with chunky calves! Shouldn't people dress however they want to dress? Sure, if people ask for help because they seem to be stuck in a rut and can't get out of it themselves, by all means go help! But I almost never hear the 'helpers' ask "What do YOU like?" and than maybe tweak it to make it a little more stylish if that is what pleases him/her. I wish fashion/clothing would just be something to have fun with, no rules and prejudice attached. So here! My colorful, sneakerful style!

I'm loving this bright lipstick, this bright pink really makes me lust after some bright warm orangy color. I love to mix my lipstickcolors together and I'd really like to mix a little orange with my bright red! Warm red colors always look so classy to me. And a little sidenote: I'm hoping that my boy will help me dye my hair again tomorrow! I have some unused turquoise in my cabinet and I'm dying (sniffles) to use it! Hope you guys have a lovely day and see you all on the flip side!