dinsdag 10 januari 2012

Walk in the woods and the unisex child

Last saturday we had a little family gathering, since we didn't have one in the actual holidays, with the yummiest vegetable soup made by moi and my monsieur, the best bread in the world, great talks and a lovely walk in the woods! I got to pat my sister in law's pregnant tummy and yesterday I found out I'm going to be auntie of a little dude! Of course I'm happy but come to think of it, I don't think I really care whether it's a girl or a boy. It might be a little bit of a new experience since I already have 2 nieces so a little nephew is exciting. It doesn't really matter though, does it?

I mean, when you think about it, the only difference between a boy and a girl when they're born, it's the thing between their legs. No predisposed love for playing with cars or dolls, no particular love for blue or pink and no eagerness to either become a supermodel or a starathlete. The only difference: penis or vagina. It's the nurture and not the nature that takes care of all the gender related issues. Since becoming more aware of all the gender/sex discrimination in our society I have promised my future, optional child(ren) not to bother them with gender-related prejudices. Having a boy doesn't mean he'll love soccer and having a girl doesn't mean she won't. I have great love and passion for art/painting, photography, animation movies, martial arts/action movies, classical music, rock music, feminism, skepticism, videogames and the occasional fire for the Dutch soccer team lights up during championships (during that time I also love mucking around in the garden with a soccerball with the boyfriend). When I was a little girl, I loved playing with barbiedolls. But also with lego. I loved looking for big enough sticks in the garden that could be a sword, playing I was 'The Hero of Time' and I had to go and save Princess Zelda. And the love for pretend-sword fighting never died, I still do it occasionally with the boyfriend. :-D

I'm not bashing on people who buy little blue hats for the little boys or little princess dresses for the little girls. I very well know that people only do that because "that's what you do". But I don't think it causes any harm to raise awareness about how early these "gender defining" things start. If I ever have any biological children I probably won't tell anyone the sex and will specifically ask them to just give them what they'd want to share with the child, not what they want to share particularly with a girl or a boy. For example: my brothers are crazy about Dutch soccer, in particular the Amsterdam team, Ajax. I would just as well want them to share that love with my daughter as with my son. They did with me and my sister and we still occasionally burst out into Dutch soccer love at the championships. My sister & me are hardcore feminists, we try to promote a positive body image, big anime fans and I would share that just as much with a boy as with a girl (as everyone should! I can't believe there are people who say that they aren't feminist while being feminist solely means that you are in favor of complete equal rights, no matter what sex/gender. You're basically evil to me if you say you don't want that).

I'm nearly done with this rant, I promise, but I want to give you something to think about. If you have a child, you can only give it your own last name (the mother's last name) if a) you're not married or b) you've been divorced for over 300 days here in Belgium. So if me and my guy get married and have a kid, we can't choose for it to get my last name. In the Netherlands we can but not in Belgium. Even giving the kid joined last names like "... philips-evans" isn't legal yet. This kind of shocked me when I read it, I mean, SEXIST MUCH?! My man's last name is HELLA long and mine is simple as hell so we'd choose the last name on that practical note but hey, that's not even freaking legal in Belgium.

Now the outfit pictures!

see the little lights reflecting on my face? It's awesome having discoboobs!
one of my little fun atheist buttons. it says 'I think, therefore I am.... atheist'. I have some other fun ones like 'real men don't need imaginary friends' and 'no one's watching' in bright colors. I love buttons, I need more with feminist slogans, band logo's and much more! Such a fun and easy way to punk up your outfit.
Thanks to my sis, Annebeth, for taking these lovely pictures! And a picture of me & my terribly handsome siblings, oldest brother Maarten not included! Not because he's not handsome but because he lives somewhere far, far away. :-D
It might be a tad strange, combinating a thick wooly skirt with a sequined top, but I loved it and I felt so sparkly and awesome with this top. I don't have anything with sequins besides this but I always thoroughly enjoy wearing it! Catch ya later!

17 opmerkingen:

  1. hahahaha maarten is niet knap genoeg om met ons op de foto te staan :D

  2. Cute outfit dear! I love your earrings and the shirt. So pretty :)

  3. Interesting post! I don't know how I feel about it. I am guilty of liking quite girly things. On the other hand, I think girl kids can play with soldiers and boy kids can play with Barbies, if they want to!
    Loveee the sparkly top also!

  4. Ik vind het pure van de rok en de glitters van je topje net geweldig samen. Veel interessanter dan elk apart. Zeker een idee dat ik ooit nog ga stelen. :)

  5. @ cosmia: Oh don't get me wrong, I don't mean that you shouldn't like things that are portrayed as stereotypically 'girly'! As I said, I loved playing with barbiedolls as a young girl, I love feeling pretty, painting my nails, talking about important/emotional matters and I cry at most movies. :-D I just meant that you can't define a kid by his or her sex. As in, having a vagina doesn't explicitly mean that you can only play with barbiedolls and having a penis doesn't necessarily mean you can only play with cars and soldiers. Like what you said. :-) That we don't have to be defined by what society deems acceptable for us.

  6. I am completely shocked on how you can't choose a last name in Belgium! In Portugal we can have a maximum of 3 surnames, and people usually choose two, one from each parent. And it doesn't even need to be the last one of the surnames, we can choose whichever we want. Now that you made me think of it, I don't know how it is here in England, where I live now, but will definitely try to find out now. And I really liked your boyfriend's position on it too!

    Oh and you look gorgeous, I love your tweed skirt and your nails, especially!

  7. PS: I am a nurse at a neonatal unit and I get all annoyed when people dress girls in pink head to toe and boys in blue head to toe as well. For me, there's nothing more beautiful than a baby dressed in white.

  8. I didn't know Annebeth was your sister! Woweeeeee! ALSO WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR PEACOCK EARRINGS FROM? They're soooooo pretty! You're such a good writer as well :)

  9. So much to say, so little space! I agree with you 100% (uhm, I feel like I say something like this to you all the time, but it's true!!) and I surely won't raise a girl "like a girl should be raised", forcing her to play with dolls and to perpetuate the feminine sterotype. Same as if my kid will be a boy! They'll be free to chose whatever they like (hey, if my daughter wants to work as a plumber, she'll do it and if my son wants to work as a "housewife" he'll surely do it!!).
    And of course me and my man are for COMPLETE equal rights...but I won't call myself a feminist (again, words are important for me...professional bias, I guess, haha); a feminist, in my opinion, wants the feminine gender to raise above the masculine gender, which is equally unfair, if you ask me.
    Oh and about the outfit...I love the contrast between the sequined top and the wool skirt! Lol, discoboobs ^^
    I'm also glad that you guys had the time to gather and celebrate the holidays!

  10. @ Jules: I understand your feelings about 'words' and I know a lot of people who say something similar. That they, of course, are in favor of equal rights but they don't want to be associated with the prejudices about the word feminist. However, I feel ever so strongly it is up to us, the people who want to raise awareness about genderequality, to say "f*ck off" to those prejudices and reclaim the word 'Feminist' because, like I stated in my blogpost, it solely means that you are a person in favor of equal rights and against any type of gender/sex discrimination. If you look up the word in the dictionary it literally just means that you are in favor of complete equal rights. Not that you are in favor of a dominantly female/feminine society.

    @ Kirsten: Earrings bought at claire's! And thank you! :-)

  11. omg your nails are gorgeous! and the top is amazing with the wool skirt! what a lovey looking family you have :) your parents make awesome baby combinations haha! like i said on chictopia i totally agree with everything you said. I cant believe beligum doesnt allow two last names or atleast the last name of the mom so strange! I just saw this video a few hours ago and posted it on my facebook dont know if you follow me but if u dont here you should look at it because it totally fits on the topic! there IS hope in our future! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CU040Hqbas&feature=related

    have a wonderful day darlin!


  12. About the gender defining...I never thought or even considered it before, but I'm glad you wrote about it because it is so true. I agree with you 100 percent. I think If I were a parent I'd also fail to mention to anybody what the gender of my baby was going to be.

    And your nails, as usual are amazing. Love the sequins too. I'm totally in a "ooo glitter/shiny!" mood this month.

  13. I love your nails so much! The bling bling that you are wearing is fantastic. :)

    Twitter: @GlamKitten88

  14. I agree with you, i wish those stereotypes would just stop.
    I remember when i was little i didn't like anything girly except for barbie dolls, everything else i liked was "boyish" haha :P
    Love your outfit BTW those earrings & your nails = perfection.


  15. Oh darling by the way there's the Kreativ Blogger award waiting for you at my blog :) you surely deserve it!
    Kreativ Blogger award

  16. I love your top, discoboobs are super fun! I agree that gender stereotyps are annoying, I was lucky as a kid that my family were totally fine with me being a major tomboy.