maandag 16 april 2012

Comfy grunge and death

Well, with the promise of more blogposts in spring break and with spring break now officially over I've been a terrible blogger. I do have a damn good excuse, though.

My dad passed away, barely a week ago. It's very strange to say (or type) those exact words because the concept of death is so incredibly abstract and strange. I'm not going to bore you with details because they are terrible and laughable, ridiculous and disgusting, all at the same time. I feel incredibly confused and my brain is pretty messed up, especially since my relationship with my dad has been complicated for a while now. I might do a bigger post one day about the strange relationship I had with my dad. Maybe I can work through some emotional crap that way and maybe I can help some other people who are in tough situations with their parents too. Lord knows that stuff happens A LOT. While this spring break is probably the worst spring break one can ever have I did enjoy all the time I got to spend with my family, including my fathers sisters. I always loved stories about my parents when they were young and hearing stories about who my dad used to be reminded me of the good memories I have of him and the good parts of his personality. Since my dad had his first stroke his personality changed quite a bit. I was a little afraid that the only thing I could remember my dad by would be the shitty couple of years we had more recently but thanks to my older siblings, mother and aunts I'm slowly starting to remember again who that father was and how much I'm going to miss him. In the end I got to spend some beautiful last moments with him. including a moment where he told me he wished he would've taken better care of me, how beautiful I am and how much he was going to miss me. If there's any moment to be honest it's the moment you know you're going to be gone soon, right?

I won't be going to school this week because my brain is fucked up with all the emotions and I'm terribly unstable. One moment I feel like everything's okay and I can just get up tomorrow at five thirty in the morning and go to school. Five minutes later, however, I'm crying like a baby and feeling like I could punch someone so hard their ancestors would feel it (mulan reference). And again five minutes later I fall asleep on the couch. Emotions are exhausting, yo. I haven't lost my appetite and I'm able to sleep just fine so I guess that's something.

Random topic switch: I just wanted a comfy outfit to pair with my appetite for slightly gothic make up so I put on this dress and a comfy, thick cardigan I wear all the time. Hope you like it. If you have some interesting stories about your parents or a difficult relationship with them, don't hesitate to share it with me if you want to. And while I still have a couple of outfits to post with my long hair I'll warn you now: I have a banging new, short 'do. But for now: colorful pincurls! I will miss pincurling.

7 opmerkingen:

  1. Wow, so sorry to hear about your dad. That must be horrendous. Hope you're doing ok x

  2. Parents can be tough. I have a very complicated relationship with my mother. She also is different but it as the result of an accident. I didn't know her before the accident though, so I too have to rely on other peoples stories of how she used to be. Sending much hugs from far across the ocean. I hope you have a restful week. Take care.

  3. mooie post, mooie foto's en mooie make up! je moet eens laten zien hoe jij je make up doet in een tutorial ofzo! en ik voel me ook nogal murw. Ene moment apathisch, andere moment chagrijnig en dan weer vrolijk.

  4. I'm so sorry to hear about your Dads death. You are too young to have lost him, that makes me sad for you. I do think it's incredible, on your part, that if you had a strange relationship you still managed to put all that aside and be there for him in the end, you have a generous kind spirit.
    Today is my Dads birthday and you have reminded me that no matter what they are still our parents. We have a pretty weird relationship, but I still try and show him love, I'm the only left in the family who will.
    Use this time to get even more creative, get lost in a new project, be with your friends and do what makes you happy sweetie! You look incredible as you always do. I love your nose stud- that's hot!
    Take care of yourself-

  5. I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad :( I hope you and your family are getting through it okay. Thinking of you in a non internet stalker kinda way :) you are looking very lovely as always! Jealous of your makeup skillz :)

  6. i wish you the best girl.
    and on a side/lighter note, that photo of the skirt moving. oh man. so cute.

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