donderdag 7 juni 2012

Get your perfect bikini body in just 5 easy steps!


Get a bikini/onepiece that fits nicely.


Put it on.


Forget all that shit that "magazines for women" have ever told you about having a so-called perfect body. It's bullshit. You are not less worthy of being scantily clad just because you have some more cellulite on your thighs or because you have tiny, saggy boobs. Honestly, once I started questioning the things that "Cosmopolitan" has been telling me since I turned twelve and decided to call shenanigans on their philosophy of "promoting" and "empowering" women while just as well telling them that, once they lose these extra ten pounds by standing on their head while flexing their butt muscles, they'll be a whole better person. Because, as they told me, let's be honest! Do you really want to go out looking like a whale in a tiny bikini? Are you sure you don't want to try this diet of eating nothing but crackers for 3 months together with these anti-cellulite creams that do absolutely nothing? OF COURSE YOU DO! Because the most important thing in life is to have the same body as Jessica Alba and you know it! You know it because we take celebs like Jessica Simpson and look upon her body as the most terrible fate you can suffer. SHIELD YOUR EYES FROM THIS COMLETELY NORMAL (and may I add attractive?) WOMAN!

Let's get our priorities straight here. You have a body so that you can survive comfortably and live your life. NOT because some species somewhere along the line of our ancestors decided that we needed this body so we could aspire to have a skinny body with one solicone boob and a triangular ass in this fab bikini Dolce & Gabbana designed. Also, that's not how evolution works, never you mind! We need to be strong and healthy enough so we can live our lives. That's what our body needs to be. Not something we punish or destroy because of some bizarre, delusional standard our society keeps setting. We need to wrap our heads around this because I can't tell you how much my confidence in my appearance has grown since I stopped caring about the "beauty" standards. Or anybody's standards but my own, for that matter. I'm healthy, I like the way I look and that's that. Now go paint, read a book, listen to your favorite music, watch a beautiful movie or have a meaningful discussion with your partner. There is so much more to life than worrying about the size of your butt.


Check yourself out in the mirror.


Admit it. You're a sexy mofo and your bikini is awesome. Now strut your ass out that door and share your awesomeness with the world.


If you have a body and a bikini/swimsuit: you have your perfect bikini body. Probably not according to John from around the corner who might like his girls thin and probably not according to Betty from upstairs who likes her girls meaty. There will always be people who might think you're unattractive and certainly imperfect. Newsflash: Perfection doesn't even exist. Maybe in physics or math but not when it comes to the human appearance. I'm sure everyone knows that, what society perceives as beauty, changes every two decades or so. In the 90's, a muscular, slender body with big boobs was prefered. For most of the 00's a skinny, almost childish body has been seen as the most attractive body to have. We all know that back in the 50's and 60's, an hourglass figure with pointy boobs was the way we needed to look. Which, by the way, wasn't a better thing than it is now. We might think that it's terrible that most of us have to starve ourselves to come close to the contemporary ideal body and it must've been much better back in the good ol' 50's. Than think about all the naturally skinny girls and the bigger girls. The skinny girls needed to wear all kinds of padding because they felt inadequate. Corsets had to be worn by everyone to create that "perfect" hourglass figure. I can tell you as a girl with a natural hourglassy shape: your hips aren't perfectly round and your waist isn't supposed to go in that much or even in that spot. An obsession with youth has been going on in the last years and it's just crazy. You do not need to shave your legs or get a bikiniwax or shake off cellulite because someone decided we all want to keep looking like we haven't hit puberty yet. In the 70's it was all the rage to be hairy! It's all so incredibly subjective.

Please don't let these crazy ideas of perfection stand in the way of yourself. Just love yourself for who you are and spread the body positive message! I challenge everyone of you to post a bikini/swimsuit picture of yourself on your blog and be positive about yourself. NOW, you can't talk the talk without walking the walk so I present you, my loves: little ol' me in one of my awesome swimsuits. I got it from my sister who bought it at Think Twice vintage last year but didn't feel like she filled up the suit the way it needed to be filled up. So here I am, filling it up! :-D

The colors flatter my ever-milkwhite skin to no end, I love it to pieces. BY THE WAY I totally have blue hair and blue eyebrows these days. I color my eyebrows in with some mix of navy, green, brown and black to make it look a little more natural and not superblue.
Hope I see you guys in a bikini soon and see you on the flip side!