Good girls are happy and satisfied
I won't stop asking until I die
- Robyn
Bloggers and friends, princes and thieves, sisters and brothers, I have not forsaken you. I've been kind of reorganizing my life. It's strange and different and good and wonderful. My school year ended on a positive note and I started my summerjob, working in a shoestore. Since the place I'm still officially living with the momster is in a little hole of a town where I couldn't find a summer job if I would turn over every rock, I'm temporarily living with the boyfriend. Which is all going really fucking amazing and I can't believe it. You see, this is one of the first times in my 19-year-old life that I'm in a completely normal, secure and happy situation without threat of it changing once I turn around. I'm not quite used to it yet.
You see, I'm the kind of person that seems quite figured out, calm and confident to the outside world while I'm actually questioning everything that happens, inside my own head and to the people closest to me. Sometimes, I feel like I'm waiting until the happy times are through and things go back to normal. Normal being "fucked up". These past few months have been the most amazing time in my life and while I fully realise that and am incredibly happy, I've come to the conclusion that I've never been more insecure either. Trying to maintain your own identity and figuring out what exactly is happening while you're living life is tough shit. When you're used to your life going a certain way, whether that's insecure and unhappy or otherwise, it's strange to suddenly come to the conclusion that life can be, in fact, pretty good. Relationships can be positive and easy. Friendships can be full of unconditional love and respect. Family can be supportive and fun. Obviously it's a positive conclusion, yet coming to the conclusion that life is not what you expected it to be is unsettling. I lived a big part of my life thinking that life will kick you in the cojones anyways so you might as well get used to it. There are so many things that can get you down and double that amount can kick you while you're already down. We keep getting up, because that's the only thing we can do, but everytime our heart gains another scratch and our ass gains another bruise.
Now, in the last couple of months, my heart has been recovering and my ass has only been bruised because of my own clumsy shenanigans. I've gone to see The Who, my true love, with my other true love in Amsterdam. Thinking back to the last time I saw The Who, when I was a wee gal of only 13, I realised once again how much life changes. But this time, it changed for the better. Insecurities are part of growing up and part of life, I guess. To quote The Muppets, because they're my soulmates, You always believe in other people, but that's easy. Sooner or later, you gotta believe in yourself, too, because that's what growing up is. Right in the heart, Muppet, right in the bleeding heart.
Next time I leave 2 months in between blogposts, come and slap me, will you? I miss clearing my mind while you poor ol' souls have to read my ramblings. I want to share a picture with you of my dudebro love & yours truly, because you have been my loyal readers and I've shared bad times with you quite often. Now it's time for some positive shite, DARN IT!
And I want to share my last photography project with you too! For one of my photography classes I had to do a presentation about a photographer and take pictures inspired by his or her work. I chose Cindy Sherman (please check her out, she's amazing and feminist!) and took the following pictures for my class:
I'm defintely way more into the simple black and white pictures but they were loads of fun to do. My teacher told me I could've been Cindy Sherman's little sister with a talent for self portraits and a possible future in teaching. I'm a happy little photographer in the making!
Peace out, lovers. STAY FRESH.
